“Stop playing these silly games and show a little interest back.
“Don’t ever go into a long-term relationship, especially marriage, thinking you are going to change them,” Hunt advises.
“While relationships grow and evolve, there are some personality traits and ways that will never change.” Forgiving and forgetting do not have to go hand in hand.
“If you accept this fact, you may find that one of the people who you thought was ‘not so perfect’ is actually pretty great for you.” Most of the time, playing hard to get just guarantees that both of you are going to end up alone.
“The dating world is competitive and few people have the time to constantly pursue someone who is not demonstrating any interest,” says Anderson.
In fact, it’s best to separate the two, according to Monte Drenner, a licensed mental health counselor in Florida.
“Forgiveness is absolutely crucial to having a healthy relationship, but forgetting is not necessary,” he says.
“If time heals wounds, then why are there grumpy old people? “Making healthy decisions to treat the wounds heals them, not time.” If your relationship is already on the rocks, having a child will not make those problems suddenly go away.
“While issues may be masked by the excitement of a baby, they will resurface—and when they do, [they] will be amplified,” Hunt warns.
But getting too far into the nitty gritty of ensuring everything is equal can actually cause more trouble than it’s worth. “It’s like saying, ‘I’m willing to accept some disappointment and pain as long as the person I love most in this world suffers, too,'” she says.
“Whether it’s the emotional work of a relationship or those awful chores, no couple can split them fairly,” Newbold says. People in love give generously, not because they’re told to, but because it feels good. Instead, you should be looking for “third alternatives.” “That’s when you each let go of your first idea and look together for a third option that makes both of you at least as happy as your first one made you,” she says.
“Someone who needs to feel connected to another human being in order to survive will adapt their likes and dislikes to you,” says Megan Hunter, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute in California and Arizona.