There ceremony was attended by more than 200 guests.I have been an Orthodox rabbi for a long time, and I know my decision will be met with shock and exasperation by many members of the Orthodox community.But that biblical commandment does not give us license to ignore or abuse the significant number of carefully observant Jews who are LGBTQ. The contemporary Orthodox approach to these individuals, with a few notable exceptions, has proven worthless or even dangerous.
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Because of my commitment to Orthodox Judaism, I can no longer do this or justify the approach, either from a halachic or meta-halachic point of view.
Those who are committed to the dignity of both individual Jews and our communities will find that they cannot in good conscience, either.
Just as these renegades eat shellfish, we might say, so too the men sleep with other men.
This is not a real solution, but it has been the unspoken modus operandi for as long as I can remember.
We do not have any support system in Judaism for such a course.
Judaism is so nuclear family-oriented that being single is considered a sin or a waste or, at best, a misfortune.The halachic reason is that gay Jews are asked to meet a virtually impossible standard of behavior.If they violate that standard, they are either censured or thrown out of the Orthodox community.Through example of the Roman Catholic Church, we have seen what can happen when you deny the basic human need for intimacy.The worst, albeit most traditional “solution,” is to marry the boys off so they can “learn” to be heterosexual.But adherence to halacha must be read with halachic eyes, addressing reality as it is, not how we wish it to be.