They cannot trust others, who will only say “No” or hurt them. Beginning in childhood, the poisonous seed of the avoider mentality is planted: As a child cannot get their needs met when asking for them, or as they get rejected, they learn that they must rely on themselves alone to get what they desire.
In order to feel complex and deep emotions for someone in dating, we need to take risks.
I don’t mean to hurt people or make them crazy it’s just what I think inside!
The unresolved past comes into play again and again, and there’s nothing the avoider can do about it if they are not conscious of the feelings.
But the toxic effects surface in situations involving intimacy, aggression, abandonment, and fear.
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Contact us if you experience any difficulty logging in.The insecurity can cause anger and make you direct the blame towards your partner.You feel confused: you think you want out of the new relationship, but is it you or your partner causing the problem? There are justifiable reasons for abandonment of another (alcoholic, abusive, etc.) versus perceived threats coming from your mind being projected outward in the form of insecurities, unrealistic expectations, and so on. Things that are irritating or large problems are internalized and stuffed away, versus being brought out. The emotions are released through one or many of the following non-exhaustive list of items: You could classify the avoider mentality as a large amount of defences rolled into one complex milieu of mechanisms to prevent any further trauma. Transferring into relationships (should they occur), the avoider stays quiet about many hard to face issues. We take forms of risk asking them on a date, holding their hands, going for a kiss, asking them to meet our friends, taking off their clothes, having passionate sex, bringing up difficult subjects, arguing, proposing marriage…. But, without being willing to deal with sadness, regret, remorse, depression, anger, frustration, and a wide range of negative emotions…